Yesterday I was forwarded an article from Fox News seriously titled, “Living Together First Can Spoil Marriage.” No, I’m not kidding. That was the title.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532600,00.html
See? Now due to the problematic use of the word “can” (like, yes, leaving your house can lead to you getting hit by a car) there is little one can do to argue. But, no need to worry. I will argue it anyway. Yes. Moving in with a person you don’t want to be married to because you are broke and you both agree it is a good idea to pool expenses and then realizing you are too lazy/poor to move out and then marrying that person for lack of a plan B can lead to a spoiled marriage. I am not going to disagree with that insightful point made by Fox News.
But Fox News as an impartial non-alarmist media outlet, um, is actually only reporting a new study conducted by the Journal of Family Psychology.
Here’s the quote: “`We think that some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting,’ said lead researcher Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver.”
Some couples. Yes. Of course. It’s like reporting on the character of humanity. Of course some couples will slide into marriage because they are all, “Whelp, my x-box is here. May as well get married!” Of course. And I’m really glad we are issuing a study on those people.
I have to admit, I didn’t really know how they found their survey participants. I gleaned that they polled 1,000 married people and asked them if they discussed divorce. It seems like the trusty Miss Rhoades' polls led her to deduce that people who cohabitated were 19% more likely to talk about divorce. Somehow, this research was enough for Fox News to say that 19% of people who cohabitated before marriage or without being first engaged were more likely to also actually divorce—which is weird because it doesn’t say she interviewed divorced or separated couples. Just married ones.
The problem with studies like these are many and go beyond even the simple fact that when reported they make sweeping generalizations and use meaningless words like “could” and “can.” But even more glaring is the fact that most people who do not believe in divorce are less likely to cohabitate in the first place. This alone inevitably skews the research. Further, couples less likely to discuss divorce are generally less likely to actually get one. It doesn’t make their marriage any less lousy, just, well, quieter.
So, the bottom line is, more people in America are getting divorced for many reasons not limited to but including the fact that it is far more socially exceptable to get divorced. Similarly, we are all also having sex before marriage and in a post-Jack Tripper world, allowed to live with straight men in our apartments, whether or not we plan to marry them and no matter what Mr. Furly (or Fox News) says. Does this mean that cohabitation leads to “lousy” relationships? Of course not. Living together is healthy and if you read this blog can be a fantastic ride rife with mature fights about where to hang the crucifix and whose crotch will the dog sleep in tonight? So, go ahead and live together and watch Elena and I on Fox News in Columbus as the lady with the fantastic make-up schools us on sinning. (See blog entry “Us on TV” from Sept, `08).