Thanksgiving is only the beginning. A practice round, if you will, that leads to that dreaded week comprised of Christmas and New Years. Whatever your religion, those days matter because unless you are a cop, a bodega worker or someone who “works from home” you are likely to have those days off—you, your boyfriend and his entire extended family.

A huge problem with these inevitable and often dreaded days is the fact that the only thing on TV is some kind of football game. For some of you this might be a blessing. But if you are anything like me, the best thing about football is the potential for alcohol consumption. So, instead of getting to sit in front of the TV for a little mind-suckage, you are more likely to find yourself in your guy’s mom’s kitchen helping to prepare something like a Yule log and hoping to your toes someone thought to spike the eggnog.

These are the holidays and in America they are all but unavoidable. Even if your tradition involves Chinese food and a movie, every family has one. And when you are only the girlfriend and not the “daughter-in-law” your place at the party is vague at best. Do you get to be in all the family pictures? More importantly do you want to be? Further, how do you each field those inevitable and pesky questions about your marital status? Are you planning vows or dodging them like some kind of Molotov cocktail of love?

If you and your man haven’t talked about this stuff in a while, maybe you should—and maybe you should before December 24th sneaks up on you like a rodent dressed as Santa. I say this because at the holidays you and your man had better find a way to be a team or else there will be a whole lot of glarin’ going on over the heads of the carolers. You need to sit down together and make a pact: He will not leave you alone with his mother for more than half a quarter to watch the Buckeyes and you will not tell the story about the office party where he took off his pants and sang “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” to the staff.

Even more than that, you will have a set bag of answers to the question of matrimony. Even if you guys aren’t sure what the plan is yet, keep your answers light and carefree. “We’re not going to get married. Instead we are going to start a cult,” is a good one. If you guys are in agreement about your future, a simple, “Whenever he’ll marry me,” or in his case, “…she’ll marry me” is an easy way to brush off the question with a laugh. Just expect them to ask and prepare any non-confrontational reply. An off the cuff “Fuck you, Aunt Mabel,” is just bitchy. But ultimately, make sure you guys are together on this.

Also, make sure you are able to find moments to decompress by grabbing him and sneaking him into the bathroom for a hug and a check in. If that feels too complicated, an across the room wink can reconnect you in a flash, and an in-passing hand squeeze is definitely a great way to remind each other you have each other’s back.

The holidays can be stressful. But one thing to remember is that before you were coupled, holidays were some of the saddest times of the year. This year, if you can’t do it for each other, do it for a sad single person. Have fun and appreciate each other. It’s the right thing to do. And way more fun than spiked eggnog. Or well, way more fun than a Buckeye game, anyway.

Aaron and I having a great time at Thanksgiving with his awesome family. He randomly squeezed my ass several times that day, which also helped.